before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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