please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
