Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
this hospital has no fireball
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
