note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
40s are totally the cure
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
