Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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