We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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