I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
