I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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