She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
