Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
