just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
