What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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