lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
