Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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