I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just high enough for therapy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
