What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
