To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
