I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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