College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
