Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're a waste of cheezeits
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
