I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
