yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
