It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
