Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
