So drunk, too bad you don't want this
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
