I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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