I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
