Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
