Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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