I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
