So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i drank out of a bidet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
