oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
