I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
