im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
