I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
