I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
