So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
