Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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