Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
