Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
