i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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