singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
