dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He felt like a one man threesome
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
