You made me cry and you don't even care
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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