I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
