I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
