I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
