Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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