now i know why i became what i already was.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
