I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
