My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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